I have noticed that in my life I keep quitting all my activities that I seriously get into before I complete a journey. The reason for that is, I lose interest after I believe to realize how meaningless my potential results may be.
I've returned to this game after having a real bad crash in my life. My initial plan was to make getting great at this game my first and easiest completed journey and to give myself a break.
I've put a lot of time and effort into the games I've played, often waiting for hours at dawn just to get an appropriate series for my little goal. I've had a lot of fun improving until the current top players stopped playing me. Then, the majority of the times I was only able to get a series when I had stated that I've skipped a night of sleep or when I was obviously and severely tilting with an awful attitude. The best examples to these games were with Swift and Startale. Both of these players said that they had a good record over me and that I was easy/uninteresting to play or whatnot.
I am certain of a few games where watchers tipped against me. I'm highly suspicious of several other games. Just a mention, but I don't want to cause anymore unneeded drama with writing down the names.
I think I've been around long enough trying to challenge people or finding practice partners with little to no success. Simply put, I do not want to keep trying to get games with "good" players when it is a futile effort.
The only relatively skilled 1s players I can currently mention are Medivh and Braviet. However they are not sufficient for me to learn enough in order to stand up to the real legends of the game, which was my mission. I've gotten to a point where I had won (or could have won if I was not dodged) against any master players.
Shotgun is another honorable mention. He is very skilled even when he is rusty. Sadly he cannot get on too often. He was someone I had hoped to share many more valuable games with.
I've found a practice partner with whom I have also shared conversations which I regard as highly beneficial for my future growth as a person. I'm very thankful for those chats and the games we've played, cause I loved it all. However he is gone from today, and with that, I've lost my motivation to carry on with my mission alone. I need many more series to become the dominant player I had aspired to be. These series are impossible to get at the moment, due to my opponents attitudes. I suggest them to grow a spine instead of taking undeserved credit from people who cannot stand up to them in-game. Exploiting one's fatigue and engaging into dramatic mental warfare without honor is not the way to go here or in any scenario that life has to offer.
I've also realized that most of the top players that we've seen throughout the last months actually care a lot for their reputation. I've learned this thinking I was playing friendly games when in the next second I've found people claiming that I'm getting tipped, I'm hacking or if they won an unlucky series - that I'm too easy. Competitive mindset is one thing. Trash talking without backing words up is another.
You may think I'm just giving up, but honestly in the circumstances that the current players create, it takes unnecessarily long to improve one's skill.
Regarding people saying that I care so much and that I only play 1s.... Well I highly prefer and enjoy the dynamics of 1s games over 2s games. Also I never liked teamwork in other aspects of life. I do admit that ego/prestige has some role in it, but honestly I just like 1s more! Also everybody prefers winning over losing. I like to force games into straight up matches because they are the most fun for me. I did not play to win because of ego, I played to win because I like to win and enjoy manly matches. Also, you may call this a dead game, but it is a great game with an overall great community aside from a couple of crazy people. ;p
I see nothing wrong with playing to win on occasion. I also have seen many getting emotional or trying really hard to win since I've been back. Great players unrust fast and even though the competition is smaller, it can be more or less as real as it is in other games/sports. I also believe that many people like to see a good game.
Perhaps I'll return if skilled and honorable players appear before the 1s tourney in July or if there will be another big festival. It's anyway doubtful after my recent, mixed experience here. I suspect I'll be tempted to check-in once in a while, however I won't take this seriously anymore.
I decided to re-focus all my energy on life for now.
Thanks for the good games some of you gave me. I really enjoyed them!
Have fun~
