What's wrong with my socks?
Morally, practically, and in many other ways, nothing.
Mismatched socks cause an involunrary internal cringe reaction I find highly unpleasant, leading me to find mismatched socks distasteful.
I have tried sock therapy in the form of engaging in prolonged staring at non-matching socks in an effort to consciously reduce and eliminate the negative feelings associated with mismatched socks. I also tried the flooding technique, pouring a basketful of unmatched socks on top of myself while trying to absorb the non-matching essence to recalibrate the systems responsible for the aversion, but these methods failed.
I accept that this inherent trait is a severe defect within myself and not the result of true transgression on the part of the mismatched sock wearer.
However, I ask, out of conern for my wellbeing, that my friends refrain from exposing me to these uncomfortable and disturbing situations as long as the problem remains unresolved.
Some techniques to help you in this quest:
1. Move somewhere hot year-round where you will always be barefoot or wear sandals. If you wear mismatching sandals, this is a more severe issue than can be dealt with in the scope of this post.
2. Buy only one style of sock in one color, so all your socks match each other.
3. Wear long pants and footwear with appropriately modest coverage to prevent visual affinity to the mismatched socks lurking underneath.
4. Wear opaque plastic bags over your feet, taped up around the calf on both legs. Attach rubber feet to bottoms for traction.
5. If you are unable to accommodate these very reasonable requests and modifications, accept that friendship involving visual contact with a sock-impaired visualizer may be, simply put, impossible.